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Features

  • March madness is coming. College men’s basketball playoffs involving 68 teams will play in a single-elimination tournament to determine the national champion. Scheduled to begin on March 13, it will conclude with the championship game on April 2 at the Superdome in New Orleans.
    With the ball bouncing down Pun Alley we hope to score a few points with punny stuff that didn’t hit the basket.

    Coaching psychosis

  • Whenever somebody mentions the word “free” in my presence my right eye turns a vivid jaundice. It is not that I have anything against the word free; just the person who is trying to use it to gain some kind of an advantage over me. I know anybody employing this mono-verbiage, is hiding some very long strings.

  • It is a story that dates back 2500 years. Although part of the Hebrew Bible, the story does not mention the name of God even once. There are speculations that the story did not exist; still the story of Queen Esther holds a fascination for Jews and feminists because of its timeless teachings. And a woman is the heroine of the day.

  • The Iditarod Sled Dog Race starts tomorrow. It takes mushers from Anchorage to Nome, Alaska. Nearly 1,000 whining, drooling dogs are a part of the opening ceremony; somewhat like the Miss Universe Pageant. For the first time in its history mushers were tested for alcohol and drugs. Officials say no one has been disqualified for performance enhancers, although three mushers have tested positive for Alpo.
    The rewards are incredible. The winning musher gets thousands of dollars in endorsements. The winning huskies each get a biscuit.

  • A Chiropractic Doctor acquaintance asked when I would be doing some stories about his profession. I told him I have already written several columns on medical doctors; but he persisted and after some manipulation I agreed to do a chiropractic column. Time to get cracking.

    Adjustment

  • During the last political election cycle, we were promised change, but I have not seen any of it, especially in my pants pocket.
    Then something wonderful happened. I was taking some mail to the post office and as I got out of my truck, I noticed a penny on the ground. At my age, if I have to bend down I make sure there are at least two or three things to do while I am down there. A single penny just will not do it for me. After all, what can you do with a penny?

  • Forty-one years ago, I was a naïve 19-year-old just beginning life’s journey. I do not like to brag but I was the poster child for naïveté. I had a few ideas about life but too few to make me a contributing member of the human society. What I knew about life could fit nicely in my trouser pocket with plenty of room for a country boy’s pocketknife.

  • Many think that the sports season for big bruisin’ men wearing protective armor and helmets has ended.
    While football is over, there is another sport going on now where padded men bang into each other, break out in fights and wind up with concussions. It’s hockey, a cool sport.

    The finish

  • Many think that the sports season for big bruisin’ men wearing protective armor and helmets has ended.
    While football is over, there is another sport going on now where padded men bang into each other, break out in fights and wind up with concussions. It’s hockey, a cool sport.

    The finish

  • Tuesday is Valentine’s Day. In ancient Rome this day was a pagan holiday in honor of Juno, the goddess of women and marriage and the queen of the Roman gods and goddesses. Later it became a holiday named after a priest. According to church tradition St. Valentine was a priest near Rome about the year 270 A.D.
    While historical details of Valentine’s Day are unclear, we do know that across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine.

  • I take a certain amount of well deserved, if I say so myself, pride in keeping to a well organized schedule; my to-do-list. If it is on that list, I am going to do it, regardless of the difficulty attached. The trick is to get on that list which I guard with my very life.

  • February is definitely heart month. The stores are filled with the little puffed, stuffed beauties in shades of pink and red, not to mention the luscious confections all dressed up to look like roses, kissing lips or hearts of love. And yep, there are those cuddly stuffed toys too, all in an attempt to win your lover’s affection. Love is definitely in the air and while in modern times we tend to commercialize it, the Bible certainly has much to say on the topic.

  • I am rather old-fashioned in some areas of my life, which I do not intend to upgrade to current standards. I do not believe in changing something unless it really needs to be changed. A crazy phobia is going around these days suggesting that if something is old, it must not be any good and if it is new, it must be good.
    I think old Solomon was right when he said, “there is no new thing under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9 KJV).

  • Last week I wrote how I got shanghaied and wound up in Tampa at the Gasparilla Pirate Fest. They didn’t release me until it was too late to write this week’s column; but they did allow me one telephone call. I called an acquaintance, recently arrived from England, who I asked to write about Sunday’s Super Bowl.
    The opening words of his submission were, “I don’t know much about sports in the U.S., but I guess the Super Bowl must be about bowlers all trying to score 300.” The rest of his writing follows.

  • Have A Heart for Companion Animals, Inc. has planned a “For The Love of Animals Gala.” It’s a fund-raising event featuring The Johnny Mello Show and Adult Magic Demonstrations by “Magic Mark,” Beasley, a high-energy interactive magician.
    The show will be held Saturday night, Feb. 11, from 7 until 10 p.m. in the Silver Springs Shores Community Center, located at 590 Silver Road, Silver Springs Shores.

  • The holidays come and go. We vow not to get stressed out as we were at year’s end. Yet we charge into the New Year with so much on our plate that whatever resolve we intended gets quickly buried amid our to-do lists.

  • On my way to Pun Alley I got shanghaied and wound up in Tampa several days before their Jan. 28 Gasparilla Pirate Fest. An invasion by a fully rigged pirate ship with cannons booming will force the city to surrender and start festivities that culminate with a pirate parade. I managed to get a carrier parrot to bring you the news.

    Clean Getaway
    One of the first pirates I met was wearing a paper towel on his head. I asked, “Why are you wearing a paper towel?”
    “Arrr” he replied, “I’ve got a bounty on me head!”

  • It was one of those weeks where, if I accomplished anything that delicious slice of information has completely eluded the tiny gray cells floating in my cranium. It is not as if those little gray cells had anything else to do.

  • Today is the first of three Friday-the-thirteenths in 2012. The next one in April, just before tax day on the 15th, is bound to be unlucky for almost everyone. While the origin of this “holiday” is not known, we do know that people attribute many unlucky happenings to it.
    Estimates have been made that 17 to 21 million people in the U.S. are affected by a fear of this day. Some are so fearful that they avoid normal routines in business, taking flights or even getting out of bed. Take a trip down Pun Alley to see what happened to some unlucky people.