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Features

  • The U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington states that Easter Sunday, April 24, will be the latest Easter has arrived since 1943. The Secretary of the Navy is blaming Easter arriving so late on President Obama’s decision to put the holiday under the control of FEMA, the Federal Egg Management Association.

    With Easter so late the bunnies have been hopping up and down waiting their turn on Pun Alley.

    The adopted rabbit

  • This coming Monday is that day we all dread when income tax is due. I just did mine. It made me so sick I wound up in my doctor’s office. While patiently waiting for my appointment I pondered a number of sick stories.

    Hard to take

    A man went to the doctor with a badly swollen ankle. After a careful examination, the doctor gave the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. “The nurse will bring you some water,” the doctor told him.

  • April 15 is the time of the year when American citizens can communicate with their government. I cannot testify for anyone else, but I look forward to this marvelous opportunity, and I am careful not to waste it. This year, for example, so much has happened since last year it took 15 single spaced typed pages to include everything.

  • JoyLutheran Church

     

    On Maundy Thursday, April 21, at 6:45 p.m., this worship service begins the three days of Christ’s Passion. Holy communion will be offered in memory of the Last Supper. The altar will be stripped in honor of Christ’s death and at the end of service; the sanctuary will be left in the dark.

  • Have you ever had serious second thoughts about something? Of course, I usually have severe trouble with establishing first thoughts. But once I have finished a serious thought I like put it behind me and go on with life.

    For example. For years, people have been telling me how harmful drinking coffee is. Something to do, so they tell me, with being addicted to caffeine. Then, if I cannot give up coffee, I am to limit the number of cups of coffee I drink per day.

  • It’s often been said that death and taxes are both certain. However, death isn’t annual. That national day of reckoning comes again April 18 when your income tax is due. Even if you still have to do your tax return, stop and take a trip down Pun Alley. It may be the only chance you get to have a laugh before April 18.

    Literary genius

  • JoyLutheran Church

     

    On Maundy Thursday, April 21, at 6:45 p.m., this worship service begins the three days of Christ’s Passion. Holy communion will be offered in memory of the Last Supper. The altar will be stripped in honor of Christ’s death and at the end of service; the sanctuary will be left in the dark.

  • A large segment of the human population takes things way too seriously for their own good. The strange anomaly is that most people laugh at the wrong thing and fail to laugh at the right thing. This serious incongruity has robbed people of a healthy attitude toward life in general.

  • As wholesale oil prices continue to rise, our gasoline costs go up. Even when oil prices go down our gasoline prices stay up. News sources everywhere are reporting on the effects of this problem. Pun Alley joins in by posting the latest news in today’s column.

    The White House has refused to make any comments on the soaring gasoline prices. However the government is willing to help. The Treasury Department just offered to either mail you your income tax refund or they can deposit it directly into your gas station.

  • In a comedic spot in the musical Fiddler on the Roof, a Jewish townsperson asks the learned rabbi if there is a blessing for the Czar. The sage thinks a minute and replies: “May God keep the Czar (who was known for his anti-Semitic policies) far away from us!” Even in this humorous moment a truth about Judaism comes through: that there is a blessing for just about everything.

  • It all began for me about four months ago. I was busy with my work when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came and interrupted me.

    Really, I do not mind interruptions. An interruption, from anybody, is a wonderful excuse to stop what you are doing and take a break. The older I get the more breaks I seem to need.

    “I think we ought to take a vacation,” she said.

  • Today’s Pun Alley is my 200th issue. While a milestone for me, it pales in comparison to the work done by Tom Lazarick, the original Pun Alley writer. In the mid-90s when editor Jim Hunter started the Citizen, Tom wrote the Pine Run news and included puns pretty much from the beginning.

    Jim encouraged Tom to start Pun Alley partly because of the puns he’d included in the Pine Run column. Tom, a retired pharmacist, had a dry sense of humor and was a student of the pun. For some reason, the name Pun Alley was inspired by the classic comic strip, Gasoline Alley.

  • Have you ever had the feeling that you lost something but could not quite figure out what?

    This has been bugging me all week long. It is a good thing I lost my mind years ago or this might cause me to lose it. I remember the day I lost my mind but I cannot remember anything after that date.

    All week long, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I had lost something and that it was something rather important. I sat down in my easy chair and tried to think about it but who can think at times like this?

  • Some weeks ago a newspaper article reported that luxury home magazines Traditional Home, Elle Decor, and Architectural Digest had taken a big hit from the recession. Now all of them are getting remodeled with new editors and updated publication approaches.

    Not wanting to be left behind, I did some research on architecture and uncovered some interesting facts for Pun Alley.

    Early drawings for construction were done in ink, which took a long time to dry. Blowing on the ink hastened this process. The finished products were called blewprints.

  • I love visiting people in their homes. I find it fascinating to see their collections of sports memorabilia, antiques, stuffed animals or their cats or dogs. Visiting a traditional Jewish home is also rewarding especially if it is filled with Jewish ritual objects.

  • I am not a great believer in conspiracies.

    I do not believe Bigfoot really exists except in the strained imaginations of some people. Some want to believe in Bigfoot, and some need to believe in Bigfoot. I’m not one of them.

    I do not believe in the Loch Ness monster. I am sure some Scotsman, after a few nips at the jug, saw something. One thing about the Loch Ness monster is it has been good for tourist trade in Scotland. Who but a Scotsman could figure out a way to make money out of some illusionary figment of someone’s imagination?

  • In 1737, Irish immigrants began observing St. Patrick’s Day in Boston and held the first Parade in New York City in 1766. Now, the tradition continues with almost everybody wearing green, being honorary Irish, and eating corned beef and cabbage.

    In honor of St. Patrick’s Day on this coming Thursday, Pun Alley is decked out in green and has some Irish fun.

    St. Patrick’s Day gift

  • There are 160 state parks in Florida, sprawled over 70,000 acres. This is a visit to one of them.

    We’d driven right by Fanning Springs State Park any number of times, but always in a hurry to get someplace else further up the road or anxious to be on our way back home again. So looking the springs over sounded like a good idea to my co-pilot when I suggested that as a day trip destination.

  • I find it hard to believe March is here already. There was January with nothing much to do and then February with too much to do, now what do we do with March?
    March is not winter and it is not spring. It is not cold and it is not hot, so there is really nothing to complain about. The grass has not yet grown so there is no mowing to do. And it is too early to put in the garden.