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Today's News

  • Murder, Mayhem and Mischief

    We’ve been doing it for generations. It’s almost a mandatory human trait, reserved for (but not exclusive to) mature adults, a kind of rite of passage into the higher realms of enlightenment and grownup wisdom.

    What is it?

    It’s our proclivity for complaining about the condition of our country. We can also throw in the ever-popular “youth today” (or, for some, “the church today”) to bolster our perceived sense of sage analyses of world affairs and intellectual and moral superiority.

  • Doubling Up on Hilarity

    In 1819 identical twins donated land to Millsville for a town square and funds towards a new school, provided the town change its name to Twinsburg. Today marks the beginning of Twins Days, held annually on the first full weekend in August in Twinsburg, Ohio, to celebrate biological twins.

    There are always be a number of funny stories involving twins, sometimes when one identical twin is mistaken for the other. Pun Alley takes a look at some of these stories to celebrate the twins’ holiday.

  • Law and Order: Command Presence

    By Ross Olmos

  • Help! Call the Waaambulance!

    She came strolling out of a healthcare center. The temperature outside was about 81 degrees.

    The sky was clear and blue. A very slight breeze stirred the air around her.

    She complained about the weather to the woman walking behind her.

    The woman following her added her comments. Yes, yes. Indeed. It was too hot or humid or something, she moaned, not really putting any heavy thought into her response. Both griped some more, the equipment, the children, the paperwork. It was a mildly pleasant union of disheveled souls.

  • Take a Deep Breath with Your Mouth Shut

    A college English professor used to set aside 30 minutes every two weeks for his students to critique their essays.

    It was Advanced Exposition, a junior level English course.

    The professor often hemmed and hawed during lectures, which irritated most of his students.

    During our one-on-one time with Dr. Whateverhisnamewas, he would brutalize us. Many of us would leave those sessions looking for synonyms for shame, depression, humiliation, disgrace and remorse.

  • Grandma Heard a few “Granny Jokes”

    By Grandma

    Hi y’all!  You notice these jokes are called “Granny Jokes” because no one calls me “Granny.”  I’ll let you in on some real jokes about me another time. 

  • Preserving Muscle and Slowing Sarcopenia

    Have you noticed lately that you have difficulty climbing stairs, taking long walks and you feel unbalanced on your feet?   Dr. Andrew Weil says these problems maybe symptoms of sarcopenia, the age-related decline in skeletal muscle tissue.  A decrease in muscle can also lead to reductions in strength and endurance and impairment of balance. 

  • “Cara Mora”

    By Thomas Harris

    The inventor of Hannibal Lector and author of the “The Silence of the Lambs” is back with a new nightmarish thriller. The villain here is a ruthless, hairless evil genius named Hans-Peter Schneider. In his bathroom is a liquid cremation machine for people who don’t work out well like the current occupant--Karla.  Here is a man who has no compunctions about selling people or their organs depending on demand and the bidding price.

  • Behind the Irony Curtain

    By Bill Koch

    Alone. Quiet. The child sits. Her mind miles and miles away.

    The teacher is angry, stressed. The girl doesn’t seem to respond. She’s inattentive, gazing out the window. She’s so far away.

    The teacher raises her voice. She’s trying to get the girl, pale and drawn, to focus. The teacher knows this little girl is smart. She’s always been so bright.

  • ‘Once Upon a Time in Hollywood’

    By Bob Garver