You have two days to stock up on donuts

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By Dick Frank

Today and tomorrow are National Donut Days, according to the Internet site, Bizarre, Crazy, Silly Unknown Holidays. I was out early and got mine at the nearest donut shop. While there, I heard some donut tales and, of course, stories about what donuts always attract – police.

No Dough

The manager of a glass and window company advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 20 years of experience. “Where have you worked as a glazier?” the manager asked.

The man replied, “Dunkin’ Donuts.”

Speedy Reply

A policeman pulled a man over for speeding and asked him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he said, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

The man got really indignant and said, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

Chicken Donuts?

Authorities reported that a Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald’s employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets. The cops said they could not respond to such frivolous calls, unless donuts were involved.


When the blonde looked into a box of Cheerios, she said “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

Donuts were first fried in Greece.

A card shark loved donuts and always had his ace in the hole.

When the musician became a policeman, he had to learn the beat.

The most popular coffee sold to police at the donut shops is copuccino.

My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.

Two prisoners escaped from prison. One is seven feet tall and the other is four feet tall. The police are looking high and low for them.

The sign on the crosswalk outside the bakery said, “Donut Walk.”

A man was promoted to police chief in a nudist colony. He liked the job, but putting on the badge was murder!

Donuts and Stakeout

One night a police officer was eating donuts while staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

Bad Dog?

It was the end of the day when the policeman parked the police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking, and the policeman saw a little boy staring in at him. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.

“It sure is,” the policeman replied.

Puzzled, the boy stared at the dog and finally said, “What’d he do?”

Can’t Kick

Police were responding to a crime when the media pushed their way into the house where it took place. When the cops started to physically remove the press from the scene, one cop was observed kicking one cameraman right in the rear. Unfortunately for the cop, he lost his job, as it was a clear case of police bootality.

Youngster’s Inexperience

A 14-year-old aspiring police officer donned a uniform, walked into a Chicago police station and managed to get an assignment. He patrolled in a squad car for several hours. He was only detected when police realized he had spent five hours on patrol and no time at the local Dunkin’ Donuts.

Minor Bailout

“Who is he?” said a passerby to a policeman who was trying to pull up a drunk who had fallen into a water-filled gutter.

“Can’t say, sir,” replied the policeman; “he can’t give an account of himself.”

“Of course not,” replied the other. “How are you to expect an account from a man who has lost his balance?”

There is still time for you to go out and buy several donuts to celebrate National Donut Days. If you tell them that Dick sent you, it may help my account balance. Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.