See if any of these jokes ring a bell

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By Dick Frank

On this day in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for the telephone. When seniors think about telephones, the image of an old antique crank wall phone comes to mind, while the younger generation considers an antique telephone to be a black thing having a dial with numbered holes.

Now, telephones are so tiny that most people carry them around. Obviously, telephone lines run through Pun Alley with some phoney stories.

It would have been fun to be Alexander Graham Bell’s assistant, Thomas Watson. When Bell made that historic first phone call and uttered his famous words, “Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you,” did Watson rely, “May I ask who’s calling?”

Busy Girl

The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone because nobody else could use it. As a happy solution, he got her a cell phone.

Several days later, he came home to find her chatting on the family telephone with her own cell phone resting silently next to her. “Why are you using our telephone,” he yelled. “Why aren’t you talking on your own phone?”

“I can’t,” she said, “I’m expecting an important call on my phone.”

Just the Facts – Jack

Caller: “Can you give me the number for Jack?”

Operator: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand who you are talking about?”

Caller: “Look on page 1, section 5 of the user guide for my fax machine, it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning, now, can you give me Jack?”

No Exit

A telephone repairman was working late in a big office building and became lost. After a long search of the rambling first floor to find an exit, he spotted a woman at the end of a corridor. “How do I get outside?” he asked.

“Dial 9,” she replied.


Do you believe in free speech? Then may I use your telephone?

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged. “Sorry, Madam,” came the reply, “The house does not make doctor calls.”

Superman’s mother said, “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”

I called the zoo on April 1 and said, “Hello, I’d like to speak to the king of the jungle.” The zoo lady answered immediately, “I’m very sorry, but the lion is busy.”

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. If you had lived back then, you could have sat in the bath for 25 years without being interrupted by the phone.

Forty years ago the only cell phones were in prisons.

No Change Allowed

Back in the days before cell phones, Dave was a frequent user of a payphone at a gas station, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone ceased to function. His repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

With the payphone still not working several weeks later, Dave again contacted the phone company but this time he said, “The phone is now working fine except that all the money is returned at the end of each call.”

A telephone repairman arrived within the hour.

What a Line

Students at a Florida college were discussing the cost of long distance calls and debating the relative advantages of different phone service providers.

“I’ve found RCC to be the cheapest around,” said one.

“RCC? Who are they?”

“You know,” he responded, “reverse charge calls.”

Barking Mad

Thomas was awakened one morning at 3:33 a.m. by his telephone. “Your barking dog is keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.

Thomas thanked the caller and wrote down the name and number showing on his phone’s caller ID.

The next morning at precisely 3:33 a.m., Thomas called his neighbour back.

“Good morning, Mr. Walker. I just called to say that I haven’t got a dog.”

Everyone in our Oak Run neighborhood knows that this Dick and Jane don’t have a dog; they live in a Spot-less home. Sent your puns and jokes to Dick at dickjfrank@yahoo.com.