Pun Alley 4-6-2012

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Some appropriate tales this Easter weekend

By Dick Frank

Sunday is Easter, an important day for Christians as they commemorate the resurrection of their savior, Jesus Christ, after his crucifixion on Good Friday. It’s also a fun day for children as they get baskets from the Easter bunny and go on Easter egg hunts. Our travel down Pun Alley brings us some appropriate tales.

Fluffy no more
When Susan was six, she got an Easter bunny and it was her responsibility to take care of “Fluffy.” His fluffy fur caught everything it touched - leaves, feathers, food, and just about everything. Susan spent most of the day combing all this stuff out of his fur.
One morning when Susan’s mother was making pancakes, Susan’s four-year-old sister, Jill, asked Mommy about the oil she poured into the skillet. Mommy told her it was to prevent the food from sticking to the pan.
Jill had a great idea. She spread the magic liquid all over Fluffy’s fur so the food and other substances wouldn’t stick to him.
When Susan went to Fluffy’s cage, he looked emaciated with his fur plastered against his skin. She needed to give him a bath. Susan exclaimed, “I’m gonna wash that PAM right out of my hare!”

On Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children’s sermon he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, “What’s in here?”
“I know!” Little Johnny exclaimed. “Panty hose!”
Later, the minister asked Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

On Easter Sunday Jason’s baby brother was christened in church, but Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.”

Bunny Tales
The out-of-work comic was complaining, “To make a couple extra bucks I took the job at the department store. On Thanksgiving I dressed like a pilgrim, on Christmas I dressed like Santa Claus, but I’m finished with holidays. Easter is coming and I ain’t gonna lay an egg for nobody!”
She wears her Easter bonnet with all the bills upon it.
A Beauty Parlor is a place where women curl up and dye.
Her acquaintances call her “Easter Egg” because she’s hand-painted on the outside and hardboiled on the inside.
Ten rabbits marching backwards are known as a receding hareline.
When Andy was young, his duties in the church included helping to shorten or lengthen the holy robes. He was an alter boy.
I suggested an egg fight on Easter. I got shelled.
At a hippie wedding in Greenwich Village they gave the bride a shower - just before the ceremony.
When Easter bunny helpers make baskets they get two points, just like anyone else.
“Grandma, Dear, don’t worry that I’m sitting in front of the electric fan with a BB gun, I just came in to shoot the breeze.”
A real cool rabbit is a hip hopper.
Donna has to look for a new job. Her last job at the spice factory was just seasonal.

Sing Sing?
The pastor announced that a prison quartet would be singing for the special Easter Sunday evening service. Nobody thought there was a prison in the vicinity and many looked forward to hearing such a group.
It was puzzling that evening when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
 “This is our prison quartet,” he said. “Behind a few bars and always looking for the key.”

Wild Rabbit
Two old-timers, Tom and Jerry, worked together in a rural West Virginia coal mine. On several occasions Tom had rabbit for lunch, and shared it with his workmate.
One day Jerry asked, “Where do you get rabbits? I can’t find any.”
“My wife she get them,” Tom replied. “Every night they come around the house and make noise. She shoot them.”
“Noise? Rabbits don’t make any noise.”
“Sure,” asserted Tom positively. “They go meow, meow.”

Oak Run residents Dick and Jane wish you a joyful Easter.