Pun Alley 08-12-2011

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Will Rogers and his humor

By Dick Frank

The recent political shenanigans about raising the national debt and reducing spending brought to mind Will Rogers whose salty comments on the political and social scene made him widely known. Starting out in vaudeville as a cowboy rope-twirler, joking casually with the audience, he went on to gain a wide audience through motion pictures, books, radio, and a syndicated newspaper column.
America lost a great comedian, humorist, and social commentator when he was killed in an airplane crash in Alaska 76 years ago this coming Monday. However, many of his comments will live on forever as they still apply today. Pun Alley starts with his very appropriate political jabs.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Ohio claims they are due a president, as they haven’t had one since Taft. Look at the United States; they have not had one since Lincoln.
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Lord, the money we do spend on government and it’s not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money 20 years ago.
More Rogers’ philosophy
You can’t say civilization isn’t advancing; in every war they kill you in a new way.
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Things ain’t what they used to be and never were.
Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself, you forget to hate your enemies.
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
We don’t seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.