Pun Alley 04-29-2011

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Some interesting comments about food

By Dick Frank

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Heilman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank. Mexicans, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.

Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, still observed each year on May 5th, known as Sinko de Mayo.

Some people are no longer in favor of observing this holiday. They are known as the Cinco De Mayo nays.

Now that we know next Thursday’s holiday is really about food, we can feast on some food stories straight from the punny dumpster in the Alley.

Cut up

A butcher just out of trade school got a job in the northwest, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. When he had to cut up a moose he put it into bags and marked them with the contents -- chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc. When he finished with the stuff he knew, he was left with some unidentifiable pieces. At a loss as to what to do with them, he put them all into one bag and labeled it “moosellanious.”


A fellow had been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket got an orange juice machine. The bag boy was real excited and wanted to work the juice machine, but the manager denied his request. The bagger asked, “But I’ve been working here for 5 years, why can’t I run the juice machine?”

The manager replied, “I’m sorry, son, but, baggers can’t be juicers.”

Let’s talk

The man approached a beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”


“Because every time I talk to a pretty lady my wife appears out of nowhere.”


The manager of the grocery store decided to give everyone in the store swimming lessons. Someone told him the Tide is coming in on the next truck.

My doctor said diet, so I changed my hair color

A student got a scholarship to baking school because he kneaded the dough. While there he made the honor roll.

When some people go on a diet they have a gut reaction

The Scotchman who took his pregnant wife to the grocery store because he heard they had free delivery.

Dieters are people who are thick and tired of it

Some cashiers can be so sarcastic at times. I asked one of them how much half-n-half was and she said, “One whole.”

I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don’t gain weight.

A father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, “What is the Gross National Product?”

The boy replied “Spinach?”

Southern Comfort

John was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing southerner stumped him with a drink order. He asked the bartender, “Have you ever heard of a drink called Seven Young Blondes?”

The bartender admitted he’d never heard of it and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked John to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him.

“Sir,” John asked the customer, “Can you tell me what’s in that drink?”

The customer looked at John like he was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully. “Sauvignon blanc.”

Oh, stop it

Workers at a popular 1930s New York City deli were allowed to eat anything they wanted during lunch hour. When they devoured the very expensive smoked salmon, they were told it was off limits. Thus, the world’s first anti-lox breaks were created.

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.