Pun Alley 04-22-2011

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Bunnies awaiting their turn

By Dick Frank

The U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington states that Easter Sunday, April 24, will be the latest Easter has arrived since 1943. The Secretary of the Navy is blaming Easter arriving so late on President Obama’s decision to put the holiday under the control of FEMA, the Federal Egg Management Association.

With Easter so late the bunnies have been hopping up and down waiting their turn on Pun Alley.

The adopted rabbit

When an infant rabbit was orphaned, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar rabbit behaviors, including a tendency for it to avoid jumping but rather to run around like its stepsiblings.

As the rabbit got older, however, it soon faced an identity crisis. It went to its stepparents to discuss how it felt different from its stepsiblings, was unsure of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Their response was, “Don’t scurry; be hoppy.”

Out on a limb

Two mountaineers were climbing when their rope broke, leaving them dangling by some tree roots above a 2,000-foot fall. One said, “Oh if only I had a little bunny here to blow in my face.”

The other climber replied, “How would that help?”

“You never heard of someone saved by a hare’s breath?”

Bunny Tales

When a vet wasn’t available the dentist had to work on a rabbit’s teeth. He didn’t use Novocain because the rabbit was an ether bunny.

The Easter bunny gets his eggs from an eggplant.

Helicopters providing flights between airports in the same city usually carry a rabbit on board because they take short hops.

The Easter bunny has a shiny nose because his powder puff is on the wrong end.

The sportsman stopped hunting grizzly bears with a club because the membership fees got too high.

Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.

The ram ran over the cliff because he didn’t see the ewe turn.

One Easter I suggested an egg fight. I got shelled.

When the beekeeper moved into town he created quite a buzz.

The Easter Bunny’s favorite state capital is Albunny, New York.

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

The Easter Bunny was upset because he was having a bad hare day.

For the birds

A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter. He looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick. The baby chick was a little cheeper.

Bunny hop

A man was driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved, but unfortunately his car hit the rabbit and the bunny’s basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.

A woman saw the accident and pulled over. She saw the dead bunny and went to her car to get a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs, waved its paw at the two people, and hopped on down the road. Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again.

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?”

The woman, reading the can’s label said, “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”

Church time

Easter is one of the most important holidays for Christians when they commemorate the death, burial, and resurrection of their savior, Jesus Christ. If you haven’t been to church for a while, don’t miss Easter and, then, continue to go. Oak Run residents Dick and his wife Jane wish you a joyful Easter.