Pun Alley 03-07-2014

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Have a laugh while eating pancakes

By Dick Frank

In most English speaking countries this last Tuesday was Shrove Tuesday, also commonly known as “Pancake Day” or “Pancake Tuesday” due to the tradition of eating pancakes on the day preceding Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent.
In the U.S., IHOP celebrates National Pancake Day by giving everyone a free short stack of pancakes. In return for the free pancakes, customers are asked to consider leaving a donation for Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals or other designated local charities. While enjoying my pancakes on Tuesday, I heard a few stories for you.

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. “Oh” said the counselor, “I see what the problem is. You can’t decide whether to marry for batter or verse.”

Illegal juice
Then there was the time my brother and I went to a local pancake house. This place served real Vermont maple syrup but charged extra for it. We took a trip to the supermarket and bought our own bottle. Not wanting to get caught, we were forced to pass it between us syrupticiously.

Short stacks
The commercialization of Pancake Day is unbelievable. There’s been milk, eggs and flour in the supermarket shelves for months now.
A lot of pancake-making puns are really pour.
Whether it’s a pancake or a baseball team, the secret is to start with a good batter.
On April Fools Day, a girl put a firecracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crapes.
Pancake Day is only day of the year where hitting the ceiling is just considered a bad toss.
My friend has claimed she’s made a Picasso inspired cubist pancake, but I think she’s just waffling.
In honor of Pancake Day, we were listening to musicians who played flat.
One pancake said to the other pancake, “See you on the flip side.”
Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
The dog’s nose is flatter than a pancake. He got it from chasing parked cars.
The politicians were really at it this last week, so it’s also National Waffle Week.
Waffle iron? Why on earth would you want to iron a waffle?
No matter how bad the appetizer is in a German restaurant, the wurst is yet to come.

Mary offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of neighbors who were going away for the weekend. On Saturday morning, she made breakfast, laying a generous portion of bacon and eggs in front of the child. “Mummy always serves hot pancakes for breakfast,” said the child.
So Mary, very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared some pancakes, which she laid in front of the girl. “No, thank you,” she said.
“But I thought you said your mother always has hot pancakes for breakfast!” said Mary in surprise.
“She does,” said the child. “But I don’t eat them!”

Full service
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
The new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “The trucker out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”
“Oh, OK!” said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, “What are the beans for?
She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, head lights and running boards, you might as well gas up.”

Pancake lovers
“Doctor, my husband thinks I’m mad because I like pancakes.”
“That’s nonsense. I like pancakes, too.”
“Really? You must come visit and see my collection.”