No fish story, plenty of fish for everyone

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By Dick Frank

A few weeks ago, a friend invited us and about 20 other people to a fish fry in his backyard. Everyone had about three or four fish each with a lot left over. All of them had been caught from a small stream that ran in back of his house. And that’s no fish story or is it?

What A Line

Oliver, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning, while drifting about a mile offshore, Oliver discussed business on the phone.

Suddenly, his rod bent double and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Oliver was master of the situation. “Pardon me,” he told his customer calmly, “I have a call on another line.”

Fish Treat

Joe walked into a seafood restaurant with a fish tank under his arm. He asked, “Do you have any fishcakes?”

“Yes, of course.”

Joe motioned toward the aquarium and said, “Great. It’s his birthday!”

A Boy’s Adventures

The boy asked, “Ma, can I go fishing?”

“What? With those holes in your shoes?”

“No, with my fishing pole.”

No sooner than the boy put his line into the water, the sheriff arrived. “Say, boy, can’t you read that sign?” the law officer snapped. “Says, ‘No Fishing Allowed.”‘

The boy turned and whispered, “I’m fishing very quietly, sir.”

When boy was done, he came running home and said, “Ma, I saw a catfish down at the dock.”

“Really,” she replied. “How did it hold the fishing pole?”

Real Sportsmen

A couple of men were sitting around swapping stories. “Have you ever hunted bear?” asked the one.

“No,” replied the other, “but I’ve gone fishing in nothing but shorts.”

A Fin for Fish

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a rowboat. He noticed another man in a rowboat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”

“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot on the water above and swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.”

“Wow! Does that really work?”

“You bet it does.”

“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $5 for it.”

“Well, okay.”

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?”

“You’re the sixth,” he said.

Really Equipped

Walter was such an avid fisherman and his collection of equipment so unparalleled that his wife was at a loss as to what to do with it when he died. Fortunately, her lawyer was able to sell it off for a tidy profit, making him the world’s first reel-estate agent.


The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.

No-fault insurance does not cover earthquakes.

Some say fishing is just a jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Britain is a wet place because the queen has had a long reign.

I have a friend whose ex-wife lives in Texas. Once a month she sends him a note that says, “Remember the Alimony.”

I was a dude before marrying. Now I’m subdued.

If you’re looking for oranges on an apple tree you will have a fruitless search

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.


Tom was a notorious man-about town, and his wife Sally was sick of his womanizing. She told her neighbor Lois that the next time he came in late, she was going to leave.

One night, Lois heard Tom’s car pull into the driveway at midnight. Much to her surprise, Sally didn’t appear.

The next day, Lois phoned Sally and asked why she hadn’t left.

“Because the big lug said he’d been fishing,” Sally told her.

“But I saw him come in. He didn’t have any fish.”

Sally replied, “That’s why I believed him.”

It’s time to put out my hook to see if I can catch any puns or jokes that readers would like to share. Send them to dickjfrank@yahoo.com or via snail mail to the Citizen. Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.