My Apologies to Santa

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By The Staff

They’re trying to take Christ out of Christmas

and banning the manger scenes too,

labeling Christmas trees as holiday trees

and now they have targeted you.

Despite your long history of kindness

and the children wide-eyed at your pack,

those stuffy, mean spirited grinches

have you under attack. Your familiar old pipe is long gone,

I truly do empathize.

The “ho, ho,” of your greeting’s been converted

and now they’re nitpicking your size. You’re too fat they say with derision,

for the children no role model at all.

Yet I ask that you look at their parents

at the food courts inside any mall. You live far north in the Arctic,

up there by the Eskimos.

They don’t look too skinny either,

bundled up in their warm winter clothes. I hope you can bear all this nonsense

and still be your same jolly self.

How completely absurd to malign

a greathearted, benevolent elf. So if cookies and milk are now frowned on,

and eggnog too fattening too,

just come down my chimney and I’ll have

a nip of Jack Daniels for you. Catherine Hansen

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