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The Fun of Easter

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By Dick Frank

Sunday is Easter, an important day for Christians as they commemorate the resurrection of their savior, Jesus Christ, after his crucifixion on Good Friday. It’s also a fun day for children as they get baskets from the Easter bunny and go on Easter egg hunts. Our travel down Pun Alley brings us some appropriate tales.

Fluffy no more

When Susan was six, she got an Easter bunny and it was her responsibility to take care of “Fluffy.” His fluffy fur caught everything it touched - leaves, feathers, food, and just about everything. Susan spent most of the day combing all this stuff out of his fur.

One morning when Susan’s mother was making pancakes, Susan’s four-year-old sister, Jill, asked Mommy about the oil she poured into the skillet. Mommy told her it was to prevent the food from sticking to the pan.

Jill had a great idea. She spread the magic liquid all over Fluffy’s fur so the food and other substances wouldn’t stick to him.

When Susan went to Fluffy’s cage, he looked emaciated with his fur plastered against his skin. She needed to give him a bath. Susan exclaimed, “I’m gonna wash that PAM right out of my hare!”

For the birds

A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter. He looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick. The baby chick was a little cheeper.

Exciting

On Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children’s sermon he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, “What’s in here?”

“I know!” Little Johnny exclaimed. “Panty hose!”

Later, the minister asked Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Bunny Tales

Helicopters providing flights between airports in the same city usually carry a rabbit on board because they take short hops.

You can send a letter to the Easter Bunny by hare mail.

Her acquaintances call her “Easter Egg” because she’s hand-painted on the outside and hardboiled on the inside.

Ten rabbits marching backwards are known as a receding hareline.

One Easter I suggested an egg fight. I got shelled.

When the bunny turned 18 years old he joined the Hare Force.

I’m reading a murder mystery where they bury the guy in cornstarch. I just got to the part where the plot thickens.

A real cool rabbit is a hip hopper.

When Easter bunny helpers make baskets they get two or three points, just like anyone else.

She wears her Easter bonnet with all the bills upon it.

A hay farmer in jail could get out on bale.

When Andy was young, his duties in the church included helping to shorten or lengthen the holy robes. He was an alter boy.

The only things some people give up for Lent are their New Year’s resolutions.

The adopted rabbit

When an infant rabbit was orphaned a family ofsquirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own.This adoption led to some peculiar rabbit behaviors, including a tendency for it to avoid jumping but rather torun around like its stepsiblings.

As the rabbit got older, however, it soon faced anidentity crisis. It went to its stepparents to discusshow it felt different from its stepsiblings, wasunsure of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Theirresponse was, “Don’t scurry; be hoppy.”

Things I learned from the Easter Bunny

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Walk softly and carry a big carrot. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears. There’s no such thing as too much candy. All work and no play can make you a basket case.

Secret

After attending church, John met the preacher at the door. Greeting people as he always does, he grabbed John by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

John said, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

John whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

If you’re not even in the Secret Service, give it a try and then move up to being in the fulltime Army of the Lord.