Does eHarmony know something I don't?

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By Rev. James Snyder

For as far back as I can remember (which may not be very long in real time) I have been getting messages from eHarmony.com. I do not mind getting e-mail because that is what the Internet is all about. If I happen to get an e-mail I do not like I simply press “delete” and, presto, it is gone.

Some e-mail senders are more persistent than others are. After a while it crosses that invisible line called “being downright pesky.” Such has been the case most recently for Yours Truly from eHarmony.

I just have one question. Does eHarmony know something about me that I do not know?

I have discovered throughout my journey in life that a man who is absolutely sure of himself has never been married. Every husband knows that just as soon as he has figured out every aspect of his relationship with his wife, she changes.

The only absolute rule in marriage is that there are no absolute rules in marriage.

This barrage of e-mails from eHarmony has caused me to bring into question this whole idea of my relationship with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Just exactly where do I stand with her besides in “the corner until I have thought it over?”

According to these e-mails from eHarmony, they can help me find the “love of my life.” All I have to do is fill out a registration form and they will do the rest.

Of course, I think somewhere in there is an exchange of money, but it is not up front. I just hope they do not charge by the pound.

This has brought me under a cloud of confusion because for the past 37 years come this August, I was living under the belief that I had in fact found the love of my life. If the person living under my roof is not the “love of my life,” why in the world has she been making my breakfast the way I like it all these years?

According to this “matchmaker” company, they can take all of the worry out of finding the “love of your life.”

The thing I worry about is that they claim by answering their questions it will help them understand me, and by that they will know the perfect “love of my life.” It takes all the guesswork out of romance. It is romance by electronic wizardry. I have been answering questions from my wife for years and she still does not know me.

Doesn’t anybody believe in old-fashioned romance anymore?

I have given this quite a bit of thought and the thing that really scares me is that they promise to find someone to match my personality. I cannot think of anything more frightening. Alfred Hitchcock could not conjure up such deviltry.

Who do they think they are, believing that I want someone to be the “love of my life” and just like me? Why don’t I just marry myself and save the registration fee to eHarmony?

Of course, I know their selling point is that if you are too busy to find someone to develop a relationship with, they can help you out. They make it easy to find someone for you.

I believe if you are too busy to find time to develop a relationship with someone ... you are just too busy and should probably not think of marriage. Get a pet.

I believe romance is based on a developing relationship, which is not amenable to some kind of programmable solution. I think romance should be freelance.

Of course, real romance is far from being free. It will cost you the rest of your life.

One of the important aspects of a lasting romance is not knowing everything about the other person. Romance is a lifetime adventure of discovering things about each other that you did not know before.

Now, if someone takes all of this mystery out of romance, what is left?

Every husband needs this element of mystery. If the “love of his life” knew everything about him it is very unlikely that she would become the “love of his life.” Some things are better left to mystery.