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Features

  • In the 1930s, Will Rogers’ talents as a comedian, humorist, and social commentator gave a generation of people some laughs during the great depression.  Many of his comments still apply today, such as, “The banker, the lawyer, and the politican are still our best bets for a laugh.  Audiences haven’t changed at all – and neither have the three above professions.”

    Recent news about banks, bank bailouts, and bankers takes us to Pun Alley banks.

    Ah So!

  • The attraction that police have for donuts was mentioned in last week’s Pun Alley. Since then, I discovered that they don’t like this association and now fear they are watching my driving to catch me at something. So, I felt I should consult a lawyer for advice.

    I met someone who looked like an attorney, so I asked him, “Are you a lawyer?”

    He answered, “Yes, I am.”

    I then asked, “What do you charge?”

    The lawyer answered, “$450 for four questions.”

  • We are in the historically most active months of the Hurricane season. I thought it may be a good time to mention some tips to prepare for the possibility of a hurricane. This can be considered a refresher for you hurricane veterans and a chance for our newcomers to learn about how to prepare. For a more detailed list of preparations and further information please visit our Web site at Marionso.com

    At home you should have on hand:

    At least 1 gallon of water per day per person in the home for 2 weeks.

    Get non-perishable food and a can opener (not electric).

  • Down a dirt road in Dunnellon, lies a 40-acre farm once intended to be a private retreat – a retirement home. But now after numerous requests, Happy Acres Ranch has opened to the public.

    James Moore and his wife, Eileen, bought Happy Acres in 2005. After the construction industry began to slow in Port St. Lucie, the couple decided to move to Marion County. The father of seven is the president of Moore and Coates Construction and has been building houses since 1966.

  • This coming August, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly will celebrate 38 years of marital bliss. Personally, I have no idea what "marital bliss" is exactly, only that I have it. I know I have it, because my wife told me, and she would never lie to me. Unless of course ... but let’s not go into that.

  • Baby boomers are heading back to the classrooms in increasing numbers – at least they are in Marion County.

    With a growing senior population, Marion County is becoming the ideal location for baby boomers seeking to expand their educational horizons and Central Florida Community College (CFCC) is meeting the need.

    Recently, the college received a boost to enhance its educational programs for senior citizens. The college was selected to receive a $10,000 expansion grant in the Plus 50 Initiative that serves the community’s senior population.

  • How about a little 'picnic in the park' for your Fourth of July?

    Old fashioned games, music and a reading of the Declaration of Independence are all part of the holiday fun planned at Dade Park, just west of Bushnell on Saturday, July 4th.

  • “Shelter medicine with a heart.” That’s how Bruce Fishalow, executive director of the Humane Society of Marion County, described his philosophy to 14 SPCA members who recently took a field trip to the beautiful animal shelter in northwest Ocala.

    Since Bruce took over leadership in 2007, he and his 20 employees and numerous volunteers have turned this once shabby, sanctuary-like shelter into a viable, solvent organization that has seen adoptions soar to over 1,500 a year.

  • While most people have heard of Orthodox, Conservative or Reform Judaism, Reconstructionist Judaism draws a complete blank.

    It is not exactly a household word but its beliefs and practices have found their way into the other branches of Judaism with most Jews not realizing where these ideas have come from.

  • Is it not by grace that we even wake up each morning? When we acknowledge this daily miracle with gratitude, it sets the tone for the rest of the day. We are inspired — in spirit — life breathed into us. What a gift!

    I am grateful to my teachers, who have been equally inspired by that Great Source: Universal Mind, Pure Consciousness. The Tamil word for God is Kadavul, which means to go within. No coincidence there!

  • He is held in high regard by followers of three world religions, and his thoughts and actions continue to influence us today. Though he was born 3,500 years ago, in an entirely different world than we experience today, nevertheless, the events and conflicts in his life have contributed to the ongoing pathos that constitutes the whole stream of human existence.

  • Today and tomorrow are National Donut Days, according to the Internet site, Bizarre, Crazy, Silly Unknown Holidays. I was out early and got mine at the nearest donut shop. While there, I heard some donut tales and, of course, stories about what donuts always attract – police.

    No Dough

  • As circumstance would have it, and I like to give circumstances due credit, I was visiting my grandchildren without the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

    Normally, if there is such a status, my wife travels with me when we visit the grandchildren. However, when she is along I do not have a chance. I will not say that she hogs the grandchildren; she does, I just will not say so. As a husband, I know when to speak my mind and when to mind my speaking. The inexperienced husband does not know the difference and pays for it.

  • “Please Don’t Eat the Daisies” — Planting Seeds of Hope was the theme of the annual Caregiver Day luncheon.

    The event, earlier this week, gave caregivers a chance to chat with one another and relax.

    With yellow daisies as the centerpiece, guests sat down at the pastel covered tables.

    Clarice Furst was one of them. “I’m very impressed,” she said of the event, “It’s amazing.”

  • This past week I have come closer to having the hot breath of death on the back of my neck than any time I can remember. All I can say is Mr. Death needs a breath mint. Now that I have put some distance between him, and myself, I can breathe a little easier.

  • In fourteen hundred and ninety-two

    Columbus sailed the ocean blue . . .

    And landed at a place he named San Salvador in the Bahamas. Plastic replicas of Columbus’s two smallest ships, the Niña and the Pinta, will be on exhibit in the library’s display case along with other models during the month of June.

  • It was the middle of the night and I could not go to sleep. I looked at the clock and it said 2:37 a.m. I tossed and turned but nothing seemed to work. The Sandman, usually a faithful worker at our house, was nowhere to be found.

    I read somewhere that if you cannot go to sleep in the middle of the night, get up go out and watched a little TV and soon you will get sleepy. I am not sure who wrote that and I am not even sure if I actually read it or if it was some delusion of my mind at the time.

  • The “Making Home Affordable Plan” is made up of two parts:

    The Home Affordable Refinance Plan provides access to low-cost refinancing for responsible homeowners suffering from falling home prices and The Home Affordable Modification plan will assist homeowners in danger of losing their homes to foreclosure.

    The Home Affordable

    Refinance Plan

  • If your mind’s eye visualizes Marion County museums as being repositories of the old, the sacred and the elegant stuff, this next candidate will probably need some flexing of your preconceived notions.

    This Marion County museum candidate has literally been a moving target, too. Since we moved to Ocala in 1997, The Discovery Science Center has jumped from downtown Ocala on “down south” to Brick City Park and “up north” last fall into the old Armory building at Tuscawilla Park.

  • Recently, I have received and have been told about various messages on cell phones in the form of a text message supposedly from Alarion Bank and an e-mail request supposedly from Community Bank and Trust asking people to verify their personal information.