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Features

  • I recently received an e-mail, which I would like to share with you. It is a humorous look at Israeli life but it gives you an idea of the day-to-day life that Israelis experience even as it gives you a glimpse of what makes the Jewish State so special. The comments in the parentheses are mine.

  • For the last week, I have been chief cook and bottle washer in the house while the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was visiting our son and his family in Ohio. I like nothing better than being in charge. Of course, I wonder what in the world I am in charge of when I am the only one in the house.

  • The snowbirds have gone home and the Easter visits by children and grandchildren are over. Swimming pools in the retirement communities have returned to normal where we natives can relax around the pools and contemplate life. I wound up thinking about swimming and water activities; we plunge off of Pun Alley into the nearest water.

    Alone in the water

    A banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”

  • It was one of the blackest periods of history. The Holocaust. It took the lives of 11 million people. The Holocaust. It was the systematic murder of one and a half million children. The Holocaust. It led to the extermination of two-thirds of the Jews of Europe.  The Holocaust. It destroyed a whole culture and way of life. The Holocaust. It brought out the worst evil in educated, civilized people. The Holocaust. It brought out the best of humanity in those who dared to resist. The Holocaust.  Its very name elicits sadness, terror and despair.

  • On Friday and Saturday, before Mother's Day, members of Joy Lutheran Church volunteered their time to deliver flowers to the many mothers around the Southwest  area. Linda and Greg Smith, owners of Linda's Enchanted Florist in Dunnellon, made up the beautiful mother's day arrangements and the volunteers delivered them to the mothers for whom flowers were ordered.

  • As a child, Gail Bowen wasn’t allowed to have a pet – she’s making up for that now.

    Tigers, lions, a small fox, monkeys, deer, a few bears, cougars, dogs, domestic cats and buzzards have made her place their haven.

    And it is a haven because Bowen operates Endangered Animals Rescue Sanctuary (EARS).

  • Sunday is Mother’s Day, a day when we honor and remember our mothers. Now, as we look back we realize that many things about moms were amusing, if not downright funny.

    Our amble down Pun Alley starts with good advice mothers gave to their children throughout the centuries.

    Paul Revere’s mother: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!”

  • I am not one given over to gambling unless you call life a gamble and then all bets are off. I do not even play the lottery because I would end up paying out $1,987.14 in order to win $10. I have a difficult time parting with my money because I am a Pennsylvania Dutchman; at least that is my excuse.

    That being said, there is only one area of my life where I indulge in a certain amount of gambling. That area is Mother’s Day cards. I am at a complete loss when it comes to this and knows not what I doeth.

  • I’m fine now, but such was not the case this past week. Normally, I am not given to procrastination, except when it comes to giving my money away. I am not Mr. Scrooge but I am Mr. Frugal.

    I always pay my income tax but I also wait until the last minute to write that check and autograph it for good old Uncle Sam. I was thankful to have several extra days to do it this year. Instead of April 15, the government extended to April 18. I am not sure the reason nor do I care to know what it is, it is enough that I had several extra days to send in my money.

  • Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Heilman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

    This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank. Mexicans, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.

  • To anybody who knows me, (and can anybody really know anybody else?), they would readily affirm that I am not addicted to hugging. Let me point out very quickly I am not allergic to it either. I just believe a good hearty handshake says everything I want to say to anybody I meet.

    This is biblical. The Bible talks about extending to one another the right hand of fellowship, and nothing says it better than a firm, hearty handshake. Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

  • The U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington states that Easter Sunday, April 24, will be the latest Easter has arrived since 1943. The Secretary of the Navy is blaming Easter arriving so late on President Obama’s decision to put the holiday under the control of FEMA, the Federal Egg Management Association.

    With Easter so late the bunnies have been hopping up and down waiting their turn on Pun Alley.

    The adopted rabbit

  • This coming Monday is that day we all dread when income tax is due. I just did mine. It made me so sick I wound up in my doctor’s office. While patiently waiting for my appointment I pondered a number of sick stories.

    Hard to take

    A man went to the doctor with a badly swollen ankle. After a careful examination, the doctor gave the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. “The nurse will bring you some water,” the doctor told him.

  • April 15 is the time of the year when American citizens can communicate with their government. I cannot testify for anyone else, but I look forward to this marvelous opportunity, and I am careful not to waste it. This year, for example, so much has happened since last year it took 15 single spaced typed pages to include everything.

  • JoyLutheran Church

     

    On Maundy Thursday, April 21, at 6:45 p.m., this worship service begins the three days of Christ’s Passion. Holy communion will be offered in memory of the Last Supper. The altar will be stripped in honor of Christ’s death and at the end of service; the sanctuary will be left in the dark.

  • Have you ever had serious second thoughts about something? Of course, I usually have severe trouble with establishing first thoughts. But once I have finished a serious thought I like put it behind me and go on with life.

    For example. For years, people have been telling me how harmful drinking coffee is. Something to do, so they tell me, with being addicted to caffeine. Then, if I cannot give up coffee, I am to limit the number of cups of coffee I drink per day.

  • It’s often been said that death and taxes are both certain. However, death isn’t annual. That national day of reckoning comes again April 18 when your income tax is due. Even if you still have to do your tax return, stop and take a trip down Pun Alley. It may be the only chance you get to have a laugh before April 18.

    Literary genius

  • JoyLutheran Church

     

    On Maundy Thursday, April 21, at 6:45 p.m., this worship service begins the three days of Christ’s Passion. Holy communion will be offered in memory of the Last Supper. The altar will be stripped in honor of Christ’s death and at the end of service; the sanctuary will be left in the dark.

  • A large segment of the human population takes things way too seriously for their own good. The strange anomaly is that most people laugh at the wrong thing and fail to laugh at the right thing. This serious incongruity has robbed people of a healthy attitude toward life in general.