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We serve yokes • punny side up

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By Dick Frank

State Road 200, just east of I-75, has long been known as “restaurant row.” In today’s economy it has four restaurants in a row out of business, two more nearby closed and even a fast-food place shuttered.

Driving through this section of highway brings forth memories of having dined on great food and enjoying good fellowship with others at most of these closed establishments.

With these places closed we can still feast on food stories straight from the punny Dumpster in the Alley. And don’t fret – we hear new restaurants are planned to open soon. Go figure, food.

Southern Comfort

John was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped him with a drink order. So he went to the bartender and asked, “Have you ever heard of a drink called Seven Young Blondes?”

The bartender admitted he’d never heard of it and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked John to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him.

“Sir,” John asked the customer, “Can you tell me what’s in that drink?”

The customer looked at John like he was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully, sauvignon blanc.”

Chickens Gave Their All

During the Revolutionary War a small encampment of patriot soldiers in the woods believed there were some British soldiers nearby. Before the patriots went to bed that night, they tied chickens to the trees around the campground as sentinels.

When the British tried to move through the woods, the chickens’ squawks and clucks woke the Patriots and they captured the entire group of enemy infiltrators.

A few nights later, the cook prepared the chickens for dinner. The soldiers said, “This is really good. What is it?”

The chef said that in honor of these special chickens that saved their lives, he called it “Chicken Catch a Tory.”

Fat Free Food

A sign at a fast food restaurant read, “Fat Free French Fries.” Fascinated, I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the basket of fries was dripping with fat from the fryer.

“Just a minute! Those aren’t fat-free.”

“Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes. The fat is free.”

Tidbits

A father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, “What is the gross national product?”

The little boy replied, “Spinach?”

My doctor said diet, so I changed my hair color

“Waiter, does the chef have pig’s feet?”

“I can’t tell, he’s got his shoes on.”

Dieters are people who are thick and tired of it

A Zen master walked up to a hot dog seller, and said, “Make me one with everything.”

I diet religiously: I eat what I want and pray I don’t gain weight.

A dry cleaner was indicted for money laundering. A deal is being ironed out so charges will not be pressed.

Frogs are always happy because they eat whatever bugs them.

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

When some people go on a diet they have a gut reaction

Pizza, Japanese Style

An American businessman went to Japan on a trip but he hated Japanese food, so he asked the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge told him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver.

He went to his room and ordered a pizza and 30 minutes later the delivery guy showed up. When the businessman opened the pizza box he started sneezing uncontrollably.

He asked the deliveryman, “What did you put on this pizza?”

The deliveryman bowed deeply and said, “We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.”

Oh, Stop It

Workers at a popular 1930s New York City deli were allowed to eat anything they wanted during lunch hour. When they devoured the very expensive smoked salmon, they were told it was off limits. Thus, the world’s first anti-lox breaks were created.

Understandable

The chef at a restaurant had broken her leg and came into the insurance office to file a disability claim. Under “Reason Unable to Work,” she wrote, “Can’t stand to cook.”

I don’t like to cook either; it’s easier to just stuff something in the microwave and nuke it. Dick and his wife, Jane, live in Oak Run. Send your puns to Dick at dickjfrank@yahoo.com.