.....Advertisement.....
.....Advertisement.....

We have those wedding bell blues

-A A +A
By Dick Frank

June is the traditional month for weddings. By now countless couples have finished their wedding preparations and have walked down the aisle or are close to it. There is no other more romantic month; so it is obvious that our trip through Pun Alley takes us down the path of courtship, weddings, and marriage.

She’s Game

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. They found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.

A substitute was put into the game and as he was running onto the field the boy said to his girlfriend, “Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!”

Noteworthy Engagement

Miss Jessica Lowd has announced her engagement to Howard Belcher of Lititz. The Lowd-Belcher nuptials will be held in June.

Bargain Hunting

Cindy was walking down Main Street thinking about her impending wedding. Strung across the street was a large protest banner.

She quickly telephoned her fianc and said, “There’s a giant sign across the street that says, ‘Free China,’ but they don’t tell you where to get it.”

Color Coded

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mom replied.

The child thought about this for a moment then asked, “So why is the groom wearing black?”

A Roaring Good Time

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would stop and turn to the bride’s side or groom’s side, put his hands up like claws and roar. He did this repeatedly, all the way down the aisle.

Later, when asked what he was doing, he said, “I was the ring bear.”

The Wedding Gift

A female snake charmer was wooed by an undertaker and accepted his offer of marriage. They received many gifts at the wedding but their favorite was a set of towels embroidered with the words, “hiss and hearse.”

No Refund – No Return

A parishioner asked his minister, “Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?”

“Definitely not,” the pastor replied.

“Are you absolutely certain?”

“Yes, my son, absolutely.”

“In that case, I wonder if you’d return the $25 I gave you after my wedding.”

Marriage Vows

On the day of his wedding, the man should not peek at his bride, says the old wives’ tale. So try as he might to keep her in sight, it all really is to know a veil.

Before marriage he’s a suitor; after the ceremony he never does.

With her marriage she got a new name and address.

Love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

I have been married for 36 years and I don’t regret one day of it. The one unregrettable day was July 8, 1998.

To some, marriage is a word; to others, a sentence.

Today a girl has only one ambition – to go out with every Tom, Dick, and marry.

A man muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

When I was a child, I remember my mom telling me, “Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please.” As a young adult I learned that I couldn’t please any of them.

Lovely Discourse

Wife: “I was a fool when I married you.”

Husband: “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

Speakeasy

Married life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Dick and his wife, Jane, wish all the June-married couples the best and a long happy wife with each other. Your puns and jokes are always welcome vie e-mail to dickjfrank@yahoo.com or snail mail to the Citizen.