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Pun Alley: Reasons to laugh all the way to the bank

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By Dick Frank

In the 1930s, Will Rogers’ talents as a comedian, humorist, and social commentator gave a generation of people some laughs during the great depression.  Many of his comments still apply today, such as, “The banker, the lawyer, and the politican are still our best bets for a laugh.  Audiences haven’t changed at all – and neither have the three above professions.”

Recent news about banks, bank bailouts, and bankers takes us to Pun Alley banks.

Ah So!

Following the banking problems in America, uncertainty has now hit Japan.  Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly-up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.  Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. 

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Bank Trust

A customer walked into a bank and said to a clerk, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee.”  The clerk said, “Yes he certainly was trusted.  And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”

Baggers

West Virginia made the news when a survey said Huntington was the number one city in residents with no teeth, poor health and obesity.  At least they have the best investment bankers in the whole world.  They have all their money in grocery bags.

Smart Taylor

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. 

He went to the finest tailor in town and got measured.  A week later he went in for his first fitting. 

He put on the suit and looked stunning. 

As he was looking in the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets.

 To his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets! 

He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?”

The young man answered, “Yes, I did.”

To this the tailor said, “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”

Pennies

The U. S. government has bought big stakes in several banks.  Unfortunately, that means most ATMs will now be off on weekends and all federal holidays.

I went to buy a toaster, and was given a bank as a free gift.

The Peanut Corporation of America has filed for bankruptcy.  It’s been rough. Apparently Mr. Peanut is just a shell of his former self.

A musician robbed the bank and made off with the lute.

I went to the ATM to get $20, and the machine spit out 30 shares of Citibank, and some change.

Old bankers never die they just lose interest.

A robber went up to a teller and demanded a dye pack thinking money was included.  He left without a red cent.

Lehman Brothers recently changed its name to “Lehman Brother.”  One of the brothers had to be laid off.

Disney plans to cut staff at all its theme parks.  This is troubling news for Dumbo and Goofy, who just got jobs at Disney World after getting laid off from Wall Street.

I walked into the bank with a stick of butter and said, “Stick ‘em up!  Give me all of your bread.”

Still Bailing

Recently Secretary of State Hillary Clinton offered a pledge of $900 million to the Palestinians in Gaza.

 Apparently, we ran out of banks in this country to bail out.  So now we’re bailing out the West Bank as well.

Bankruptcy

Development

The Polaroid Company announced recently that it has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.  People inside the company with knowledge of the financial situation would only say, “It’s not a pretty picture!” 

It was amazing.  They created and filed their bankruptcy petition in just 60 seconds.

Missing Trust

What worries me most about the recent bank failures is that if one of my checks is returned stamped ‘insufficient funds,’ I wouldn’t know whether that refers to me or the bank.

I trust that today’s Pun Alley has not been ‘insufficient fun.’  You can always help by sending your puns and jokes to dickjfrank@yahoo.com or to the Citizen via snail mail.  Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.