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Pun Alley

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Here’s a dose of chocolate happiness

By Dick Frank

Monday is International Chocolate Da,y according to the Internet site, Bizarre, Crazy, Silly Unknown Holidays. The Cacao tree, the source for chocolate, has been cultivated for at least three millennia in Mexico, Central and South America. Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Travel down Pun Alley today and get your dose of chocolate happiness.

Chocolate ice cream

A man approached an ice cream vendor and asked, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please.”

The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t come this morning. We’re out of chocolate.”

“In that case,” the man continued, “I’ll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream.”

“You don’t understand, sir,” the girl said. “We have no chocolate.”

“Then just give me some chocolate,” he insisted.

Getting perturbed by the second, the girl asked, “Sir, will you spell ‘van,’ as in ‘vanilla?’”

The man spelled, “v-a-n.”

“Now spell ‘straw,’ as in ‘strawberry.’”

“OK, s-t-r-a-w.”

“Now,” the girl asked, “spell ‘stink,’ as in chocolate.”

The man hesitated and then replied, “There is no stink in chocolate.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” she replied.

Smart genie

A man found an old bottle on the beach. When he rubbed it out popped a genie, who gave him three wishes. The man wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was a convertible. And then, when he wished he could be irresistible to all women, he turned into a box of chocolates.

Just desserts

When the cruise ship sank the lone survivor swam toward a distant beach. As he crawled up on the shore to rest and count his blessings he saw a pecan pie. He then saw a banana split, a cup of vanilla gelatin, chocolate chip cookies, caramel apples and yellow cake. Suddenly he realized he was on a desserted island.

Chocolate bites

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of the pieces.

You can tell when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies because there are M&M shells all over the floor.

The donut went to the dentist to get a chocolate filling.

Years ago, scientists developed artificial sugars and in more recent years artificial fat. Now, scientists have invented artificial spaghetti. Its brand name is Impasta.

There are four basic food groups, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.

I went to a meeting about earthquakes and there were a number of motions.

After eating his entree at the mess hall the soldier went AWOL to binge on chocolate éclairs. He was charged for being a desserter.

Two Mexicans playing basketball is called Juan on Juan.

There is no Chocoholics Anonymous organization because no one wants to quit.

People who talk about false gods are engaged in idol gossip.

The blonde wanted to try out a new recipe but quit because her oven wasn’t large enough for a chocolate moose.

I scream

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have laryngitis?” the man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

Fishy

A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched.

“Did you see that?” one fish said, as the clams finished their treat. “They didn’t offer us a single bite.”

“What did you expect?” the other fish said. “They’re two shellfish.”

Helpful husband

Ruth’s husband was always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently, he had a chance to put his theory into practice while she was away. When his sister popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he boasted, “I made a chocolate cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath.”

Then he added sheepishly, “When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest.”

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.