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Pun Alley

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A look at modern auto mechanics

By Dick Frank

Modern cars are wonderful. An indicator lights up whenever there’s something wrong; but the source of the problem is not always obvious. Such a problem had me back to my local tire and auto care center several times. They persevered and fixed the car as good as new, spending more effort on it than I was charged.

Such problems have been known to drive auto mechanics to mental wards. Doctor: “This room is reserved for auto mechanics.”

Visitor: “But the room is empty; are there any patients?”

Doctor: “Yes, they are all under the beds repairing.”

Auto stop

A mechanic was working under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. “Wow! That stuff isn’t too bad tasting,” he thought. Next day he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. “Not bad,” he said. “Think I’ll have a little more today.” A few days later he was up to a bottle a day, and told his friend “This brake fluid is really great stuff.”

His friend was worried; “You know that brake fluid is poison and bad for you. You better stop drinking that stuff.”

“Hey, no problem,” the mechanic said, “I can stop any time.”

Mechanic needed

A guy’s car broke down on a remote Scottish road. Luckily, there was a cottage nearby. The guy walked over to it and knocked on the door.

“Is there a mechanic in the area?” he asked the woman who answered the door.

She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds. “No,” she finally said, “but we do have a McAndrews and a McKay.”

Carburetor trouble

Tom’s wife came in the house and said, “Honey, the car won’t start, but I know what the problem is. There’s water in the carburetor.”

Tom then said, “You know, I don’t mean this offensively, but you don’t know the carburetor from the accelerator.”

“No, there’s definitely water in the carburetor,” she insisted.

“OK Honey, that’s fine, I’ll just go take a look. Where is it?”

“In the lake.”

Only 50,000 miles

Darryl was trying to sell his old car. He was having a lot of problems because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, he told his problem to his buddy Ted who told him, “There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied Darryl, “I just need to sell the car.”

“Okay,” said Ted, “Here’s the address of a friend of mine. He will turn the odometer back to 50,000 miles. Then it should be easy to sell your car.”

The following weekend, Darryl made the trip to Ted’s friend. About one month after that, Ted asked him, “So, did you sell your car?”

“No,” replied Darryl, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”

Tea Party

Contrary to what the history books say the Boston tea party really was a raid by Indians. These Native Americans knew that drinking tea was essential to their early morning hunting excursions. They would drink it in the evening and early the next morning the need to urinate would wake them up.

But there was one Indian who just wouldn’t wake up. He really wanted to hunt with the others so one night he drank four quarts of tea, certain that would help. But once again he didn’t wake up; he drowned in his tea pee.

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.