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Pun Alley

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Welcome to National Grouch Day

By Dick Frank

Today is the day you can be grouchy without any excuses. According to the Internet site, Bizarre, Crazy, Silly Unknown Holidays, today is National Grouch Day. But to be grouchy all day, you should probably wait till tomorrow to read Pun Alley.

Cooking

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, “We’ve been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food.”

“That’s awful,” the other woman said. “That must really bother you.”

“No, not in the slightest,” replied the first one.

“You must be a saint,” her friend said.

“Why should I object?” the first one said. “A lot of people don’t like their own cooking.”

Defeated

I was very frustrated because the waitress could not get right any of my orders. The vegetables she brought were the wrong ones. Instead of tea she brought me coffee, and the steak was not the way I ordered. For dessert I ordered ice cream with my pie but when she brought it without ice cream. I yelled at her “Remember the a la mode!”

More than just complaining

The parents of a teenager got very tired of their daughter’s bad attitude. “The trouble with you, Julie,” said her mother, “is that all you do is grumble and complain.”

“That’s not so, it’s not even fair,” snarled Julie. “I also gripe, crab, bellyache, carp, and grouse.”

Willing to share

The parents of a difficult boy were discussing what to give him for a birthday present. The mother said, “Lets buy him a bicycle.”

“Well,” said the father, “Maybe, but do you think it will improve his behavior?”

“Probably not,” said the mother, “but it will spread it around.

Good Advice

A salesclerk asked his boss how he could handle women who complain about the prices compared to the low prices in the good old days. “Just act surprised and tell them you didn’t think that they were old enough to remember them.”

“Our wall clock almost killed my mother today!” the wife complained. “It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.”

The husband mumbled, “Damn clock always was slow.”

The new groom grumbled at dinner: “Why can’t you make bread like my mother does?”

Answered his bride, “Why can’t you make dough like my father does?”

A friend complained to John that he could not understand why he was considered ill natured, adding, “In all my life I have done but one ill natured action.”

“When will it end?” asked John.

Typical?

At the post office a wife grumbled, “I wish to complain about the service.”

The postmaster replied, “What is the trouble, Madam?”

Young Wife: “My husband is in Albany on business, and the card he sent me is postmarked Atlantic City.”

Deceived

“You look positively happy all the time,” said the young man to the elderly spinster. “I always thought unmarried women were grouchy.”

“Well, I have a dog that growls, a fireplace that smokes, a parrot that swears, and a cat that stays out all night. What need do I have for a man around the house?”

Peaceful forever

When Benny arrived at Louie’s place, Louie asked, “So what’s the story with you and this gun of yours, eh? Are you scared or you just want to always be ready or what?”

“Not scared,” Benny growled, “been doing it this way ever since my sister’s wedding.”

“Oh yeah? So?”

“Well, I knew her fiancé was a no good chiseler who went out with all the dames. He made her happy and so I never said anything about it”, Benny explained. “And since that time I must do it this way.”

“But why?” Louie finally demanded.

“Well, I was at the wedding,” grumbled Benny, and I wasn’t about to say anything about it then, so now I must do what preacher said, “Speak now or forever hold your piece.”

Doctor’s orders

A new patient was quite upset when a nurse led him to a small curtained cubicle and told him to undress. “But I only want a doctor to look at my ingrown toenail,” he protested.

“Our rule is that everyone must undress,” replied the nurse as she handed him a very skimpy outfit.

“That’s a stupid rule,” grumbled the patient. “Making me undress just to look at my toe.”

“That’s nothing,” growled a voice from the next cubicle. “I just came to fix the phones.”

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.