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Pun Alley

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Having some fun on vacation

By Dick Frank

August is almost upon us with the high heat that sends many of us to cooler climates if we can find them in this summer. Some go camping and others go traveling while the rest of us just think about the adventures we could find elsewhere. Pun Alley brings some camp stories and adventures to your armchair.

Real camp

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in summer camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, “Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?”

The kid answered, “Did you ever have a mother?

Political camp

Though it is little known, Richard Nixon went to summer camp as a boy and, on his first evening there, he got badly burned while roasting marshmallows. This became known as Nixon’s first camp pain.

Bare facts

At the nudist camp a married couple broke up because they were seeing too much of each other.

Nudists peel first and get sunburned afterward.

A lawyer joined a nudist colony, and he hasn’t had a suit since.

A nudist was picked up as a robbery suspect, but the police had to let him go because they couldn’t pin anything on him.

The first nudist convention received little coverage.

A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

At the nudist camp men and women air their differences and bare with each other.

All women are invited to join the local nudist camp; just leave your name and dress.

Something fishy

Two college seniors on a camping trip found a great trout brook that provided excellent fishing. They vowed they would meet sometime in the future at the same place and renew the experience. Twenty years later, they met and traveled into the woods. Before long, they came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, “This is the place!”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, I recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.”

“Don’t be silly. You can’t tell a brook by its clover.”

Short trips

Summer vacation is tough. Kids only have three months to forget what it took them nine months of school to learn.

Honeymoon is the vacation a man takes before beginning work for a new boss.

In Africa a herd of elephants rushed toward a tourist while he was in a telephone booth. He quickly made a collect call to reverse the charges.

I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

The guide said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have missed the view, but we can view the mist.”

If you stumble upon a good price for a vacation you will have a good trip.

Tony told me how he met his wife. “We met at a travel bureau. She was looking for a vacation and I was the last resort.”

Groups of lions always move on just before autumn because pride goeth before the fall.

If you get a fruit basket from your psychiatrist, it will probably be shrink-wrapped.

There’s no truth to the rumor that a major hotel chain is considering buying the Leaning Tower of Pisa, remodeling and redecorating it and opening it as the Tiltin’ Hilton.

Joe: “Where are you going on your vacation?”

Bill: “Haven’t decided yet. I want to take a trip around the world, but my wife wants to go some place else.”

I was sent home from summer camp because of poor eyesight. I was the only camper who didn’t see the skunk.

It helps to take a baseball player with you when you go camping so he can pitch the tent.

In 1902 the first gum factory opened. An employee fell into a vat, and his boss chewed him out.

When told she would need a travel visa, she asked if her Master Card was OK.

Good intentions

Having missed taking a vacation, John and Ruth made plans for next year by buying the last tent in the store at a great price. Although it was a demo and had several small tears, they felt it would be good enough. But next summer when they went camping they experienced rain everyday and got completely soaked. Thinking back, they will never forget it. It was the summer of their discount tent.

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.