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Pun Alley 2-24-12

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Back-breaking jokes about chiropractors

By Dick Frank

A Chiropractic Doctor acquaintance asked when I would be doing some stories about his profession. I told him I have already written several columns on medical doctors; but he persisted and after some manipulation I agreed to do a chiropractic column. Time to get cracking.

Adjustment
A man was very skeptical of chiropractors, but when no other treatment seemed to relieve the chronic pain in his back, he decided to give it a try. Before his first appointment, he told the chiropractor of his reservations, but after a few adjustments he felt better than he had in years. “What do you think now?” the chiropractor asked.
“Well,” the man replied, “I guess I stand corrected.”

Small town patient
There were only two chiropractors in a small town. One day a new patient walked into one of the chiropractors’ offices. She was horrified by the chiropractor’s personal appearance. Even though he was young, he was hunched over and walked in an odd shuffling manner.
“Doctor,” said the woman, “I have to ask. What’s wrong? Did you get in a car accident or something?”
“No,” said the chiropractor, “nothing like that.”
“Well what caused your physical condition then?”
The chiropractor sighed. “You know how they always say that in a small town with two barbers, you should go to the barber that has the worst haircut?”

Joint talk
Chiropractors are very familiar with hearing back talk.
I’ve been sitting at my computer chair so much I’ve developed a floppy disk.
The chiropractors formed a partnership to open their new clinic. It was a joint venture,
A chiropractor for pets is known as an animal cracker.
Chiropractor school has been much harder than I anticipated, but I’m learning to adjust.
The psychiatric chiropractor specialized in attitude adjustments.
I refused to go to see the chiropractor after my whiplash injury, and I have never looked back since.
They make a perfect couple. He’s a chiropractor, and she’s a pain in the neck.
Old chiropractors never die; they just continue to manipulate.
If you’re not a chiropractor, get off my back.
The chiropractors kept their money in a joint account.
Some think a chiropractor is an Egyptian doctor.
“I make no bones about it. I love my work,” said the chiropractor.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Upon examining a new patient and finding the problem, the chiropractor asked, “What’s a joint like this doing in a girl like you?”

Backward
My friend Malcolm was in a very bad mood, complaining that his back was very painful. I suggested he go to a chiropractor for an adjustment. He took my advice, but a little later, he was in an even worse mood and said his back hurt him even more than before. I had to agree with this Malcolmtent that he was indeed Maladjusted.

Fast?
Chiropractor: Good morning, Ms. Jones. If you’ll lie down on the table, we can begin your adjustment.
Patient: Thanks, Doctor. And I have to thank you for being so personable about your work.
I’ve heard that the way to make money as a chiropractor is to run as many people through your office as you can each day, assembly-line style, without giving...
Chiropractor (interrupting): Well, if that’s all, then I will see you again in a week.

A dressing down
At a cocktail party, the lawyer was getting annoyed at the number of people who kept asking for free advice. He asked his doctor friend if he had the same problem.
“All the time,” agreed the doctor.
“Well, don’t you get tired of it? What do you do?” asked the lawyer.
“There’s a very simple solution, and I think it will work for you as well,” said the doctor. “When they ask for advice, just tell them to undress.”

Only one
A reporter from a medical journal asked a well-known doctor, “Tell me, Doctor. You’ve had a long and distinguished medical career. Have you ever made a mistake?”
“Just one,” the doctor sighed. “I once cured a millionaire in only three visits.”
Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.