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Pun Alley 07-08-2011

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Hitting some right notes

By Dick Frank

It started out as an airplane hangar at the original Ocala airport. For years it was an abandoned building. Then it was remodeled into a “home and garden center” business. Now it is a music venue for various famous musical performers.

Shows at OTOW and Silver Springs add to the music permeating our area. It’s no surprise that some musical notes have found their way to Pun Alley.

The Strauss family

The Strauss family father and his son Andrew were listening to some classical music on the radio. When the announcer mentioned that Oscar Strauss wrote the piece, Andrew asked if he was related to Johann.

The father said yes and added that there were quite a few other composers of note in the Strauss family as well. He rattled off the names of Johann Jr., Eduard, Richard and Josef.

The suddenly enlightened Andrew replied, “Hmmm, It must have come from their genes.”

The dad quickly responded, “No, The genes came from Levi Strauss. He wasn’t into music. He was just an old sew & sew, but I believe he was involved with a Singer.”

Of course most of the Strauss family lived in Austria but shortly after WWII, Johann Jr. moved to Germany to help rebuild the infrastructure. He was the creator of the Berlin Waltz and also worked for a dry cleaner that taught him to iron curtains.

Winded

A man went to the doctor because had pneumonia. After an examination, the doctor said, “You are a musician, I think, and play a wind instrument?”

“Yes.”

“That explains everything. There’s a distinct straining of the lungs, and the larynx is inflamed as though by some abnormal pressure. What instrument do you play?”

“The accordion.”

Mistaken identity

Two musicians were walking down the street when one said to the other, “Who was that piccolo I saw you out with last night?”

The other replied, “That was no piccolo, that was my fife.”

Half notes

She was continually breaking into song much to the dismay of others who wished she would find the key.

“My daughter has arranged a little piece for the piano.”

“Good! It’s about time we had a little peace.”

If you are not afraid to face the music, you may get to lead the band some day.

In 1896 the first music patent was granted. The man who received it said he got it for a song.

Musicians need a leader because they don’t know how to conduct themselves.

Some tine ago Lady Gaga canceled her concert in Paris because of the continued rioting there. As a result, decent music lovers started riots in major cities across the world.

Rock music is frequently played by those who are stoned.

Listening to background music while on hold made him long for a chord-less phone.

A guitarist was so Baroque, he robbed a music store and ran off with the lute.

Sometimes jazz musicians clothes wear out, and then it’s ragtime.

Telephony

A burglar broke into a telephone products warehouse and filled his bags with various telephones when he heard police sirens getting near. He fled to a nearby music hall where a concert was going on and hid among the horn sections.

The police wandered through, but were unable to find him among the musicians. He fit right in, having those sacks o’ phones.

Do it

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?”

“I don’t have one,” confessed the musician.

“In that case, you’ll have to accompany me.”

“Splendid!” exclaimed the musician. “What shall we sing?”

Wild Goose Chase

The area near the mouth of the Suwannee River, now a National Wildlife Refuge, once had thousands of wild geese. European demand for goose feathers led to the killing of the geese and shipping their feathers from wharfs on the river.

One dockworker put the feathers in 100-pound bags. When asked, “What do you do for a living?” he replied, “I weigh down upon the Swannee River!”

Time for me to go on a wild goose chase to see what I can pack into the Alley next time.

Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.