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Pun Alley 05-01-2015

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Celebrate World Laughter Day

By Dick Frank

Next Tuesday is World Laughter Day. The first celebration was in India in 1998, and it is now celebrated worldwide. According to the founder, laughter is a positive and powerful emotion that has all the ingredients required for individuals to master themselves and to change the world in a tubular way. Pun Alley celebrates a little early to bring some laughs to you.

You must laugh!

When a well-known speaker made a joke at which nobody laughed, he would say reflectively, “The curious part of that story is that stupid people never see the humor of it.” Then, of course, everyone would laugh uproariously.
The same man listened while a speaker told a long story. But the speaker spoke so indistinctly and muffed his punch line so badly that the story wasn’t funny. “Why did you laugh?” a friend asked afterward.
“I always do,” the man replied. “If you don’t laugh, there’s danger of their telling it over again.”

Complimentary

A man walked into a bar where the only other occupant was a seal. He ordered a beer and heard the seal say, “I like your tie.” Confused the man ignored the seal. But every few minutes the seal called out another complement. The man asked the bartender, “What’s with the mammal?”
The bartender replied, “Oh, that is our seal of approval.”

No spring flower
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One said to the other, “We never have any fun anymore. For $5 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show.”
“You’re on!” said the other old lady holding up a $5 bill. The first old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely nude, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the Flower Show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall followed by loud applause. The naked and smiling old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd. “What happened?” asked her waiting friend.
“I won first prize as Best Dried Arrangement!”

Ah shoot
Ted was visiting his wife in the hospital because she had a wounded leg. The doctor said, “Can you describe what happened please.”
Ted said, “Well, she got shot.”
He said, “You’ll have to be more accurate.”
Ted said, “I know, but I’m not very experienced with guns.”

Giggles
Man: “Why do you suppose women don’t have a sense of humor?”
Woman: “God did it on purpose so that we may love men instead of laughing at them.”
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Boy: “My father’s name is Laughing and my mother’s name is Smiling.”
Teacher: “You must be kidding.”
Boy: “No, That’s my younger brother. I’m Joking.”
I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.
Wife: “I Have Changed My Mind.”
Husband: “Thank God! Does The New One Work Now?”
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Crooks don’t pay
Two shepherds were leaning on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asked the second, “So, how’s it going?”
The second one sighed and shook his head, “Not good, I can’t pay my bills, my health isn’t good, and my wife is leaving me.”
The first replied, “Well, don’t lose any sheep over it.”

Pizza smarts
“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when a college boy delivered his pizza.
“Well,” the student replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”
“That so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s five dollars.”
“Thanks,” the student said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”
“By the way, what are you studying?”
“Applied psychology.”

A fling
It was rush hour, and the city bus filled until the aisle was jammed. One standing woman was precariously balanced on spike heels. Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner, flinging her across the laps of two seated male passengers. Laughter erupted as the quick-witted woman righted herself and quipped, “All these years I thought I was British, and now I find I’m a Laplander.”

Think!
God’s greatest gift to man is the joy of laughter. We laugh before we speak and we laugh before we walk.