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In the Alley we work at having fun

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By Dick Frank

Today is the day for those still working to have some fun. According to the Internet site, Bizarre, Crazy, Silly Unknown Holidays, today is National Fun at Work Day.

I have fond memories of fun at work as my coworkers fed straight lines to me and I found ways to hurl puns back at them. In retrospect I suspect they weren’t having as much fun as I was aiming – as there was a lot of groaning, head-slapping and maybe those grins were grimaces.

We also have a Pun Alley flashback with a favorite pack of puns that the Alley’s founder, Tom Lazarick, used to feature. He was fond of work and often mentioned he could watch people do it – for hours.

The list of “odd jobs” was contributed by Richard Lazarick, Tom’s son, who brought them to a family gathering in Trenton, N.J. last year. On her return, Shirley Lazarick, Tom’s wife, brought them the Citizen office and this is the first time we’ve had a chance to work them in.

Toil and Trouble

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it – it was a sew-sew job.

I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting and it backfired.

Then I tried to be a chef, figuring it would add a little spice to my life – but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I tried to be a plumber but found the work to be too draining.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

Then there was a job in a shoe factory. I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.

As an electrician I liked the light work but couldn’t handle the shock.

So I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian – until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at a coffee shop, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I tried retirement and found that I’m perfect for the job.

Using His Head

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”

The apprentice did just as he told. Now he’s the village blacksmith!

Daily Drag

Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and realize it’s a workday again and the weekend is over, the first day of the week was originally called Moanday.

For years dentists didn’t work on Mondays, so the second day of the week become known as Toothday.

By the third day of the week people are wondering when they can ever find the time to get everything done this week – hence the day was known as Whensday.

Too bleary to even count properly by now, people think it’s only day-three of the workweek, therefore it’s erroneously called Thirdsday.

By the last day of the week people often go out after work “for a few.” By the time they get home, they’re too tired to cook anything elaborate, so they just throw a piece of meat in the skillet. That’s why the day is known as Fryday.

On Saturday night all the singles let loose. There are a lot of hi-jinks. It’s pretty obvious why the day is called Satyrday.

And, on the last day of the week, people look at all the items on their to-do lists that didn’t get crossed off, groan aloud, and make themselves promises they won’t keep. Therefore the day is called Soonday.

Favorites

The man entered the little ice cream parlor and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl behind the counter wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“You got laryngitis?” the customer asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

Likewise, Pun Alley just has puns, jokes, and funny stories. You can help prevent the printed version of laryngitis by sending your puns and jokes to dickjfrank@yahoo.com or to the Citizen office via snail mail. Dick and his wife, Jane, live in Oak Run.