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After paying taxes, it’s okay to have the blahs

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By Dick Frank

If you feel blah today or everything you hear seems blah, blah, blah, today is your day.  According to the Internet site, “Bizarre, Crazy, Silly Unknown Holidays,” today is the Blah! Blah! Blah! Holiday.

“Blah” is often used as an expression where the words themselves are not important.  Since Pun Alley thrives on the meaning of words, reading it should never be blah, blah, blah to you.  If it is, take a break and enjoy your holiday.

“Blah” also describes a general feeling of discomfort, dissatisfaction, or depression.   Since we all had to pay our taxes just a few days ago, feeling blah is understandable.  Today’s Pun Alley should cheer you up.

Dating Back

As the woman was instructing the new maid on the great care required in handling certain valuable household objects, she pointed to the dining room and said with great satisfaction, “That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth.”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” the maid interjected.  “My whole living room set goes back to Sears the Fifteenth.”

Testy

A foolproof way to determine who your best friend is to put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.  When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

Marriage Decision

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry.  Finally, he went to a marriage counselor who said, “Please describe your two loves.”

“Well, one is a great poet.”

“And the other?”

“The other makes delicious pancakes.”

“I see.  So, you can’t decide whether to marry for batter or for verse.”

Time Flies

Three tourists climbed up London’s Big Ben tower and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch, but heard it crash before he had taken three steps.

The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.

The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.

“How did you do that?” asked one of his friends.

“My watch is 20 minutes slow.”

Smiles

When a lady asked if she could buy half a rabbit, the butcher replied “No! I don’t want to split hares.”

At first the paratroops didn’t obey orders, but finally they fell in line.

My wife is a hypochondriac.  Every day it’s the same old song.  Yada yada yada.  Blah blah blah.  I’ve heard that malady before.

The scientists who studied fog were mistified.

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep.  That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

When crazy glue was invented, lots of people became attached to it.

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

Theory of relativity: the more relatives are visiting you, the slower the time passes.

If cows could talk, it would probably be udder nonsense

The swallows in Capistrano nest in the mission steeple because they are bird of pray.

An author who wrote from his basement had a best cellar.

Horsing Around

It’s not just the stock market that’s been telegraphing “trouble” about the economy.  The price of thoroughbreds has matched Wall Street’s gyrations.  Yearlings that sold for an average of $27,295 in 2002 were fetching $54,506 in 2007.  But recent sales have seen 30 percent declines from a year ago.  This should teach us that if you invest in horses, you shouldn’t expect stable prices.

Don’t Look Back

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. “My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”

When this blah day is over, don’t look back at the blahs.  Dick will be looking forward to material for next week’s Pun Alley.  You can help by sending your humor and puns to dickjfrank@yahoo.com or via snail mail to the Citizen.  Dick and his wife Jane live in Oak Run.